3/7/2013
Shelby,
You're  1 year, 3 months 13 days old upstairs in your room taking a nap.  Today, I came to a point where I was trying to teach you...something. It immediately struck  me that there are some things that I'm not going to be able to teach you.  Sure, I want to.  I'd love to be the sounding board for each of your problems and every one of your scrapes or falls.  But, I have to face the facts that you're going to be a teenager some day and an adult out on your own and you're not going to want to hear it from the old lady. By then, I'm sure there are going to be hundreds of resources at your disposal and (hopefully) Loads of your friends to help you get through those struggles. For my part,  I have compiled a list of things that will help you along the way. No asking, no permission, no guilt, no icky uncomfortable conversations about it.. For your part, Please do these things.  here ya go.

I'd like you to watch the TV shows, every season, in order!  And listen to the Music as loud as you can.
As Needed / or/ in this order.
Middle School:
WATCH Saved by the Bell.  You'd be surprised how this dated television show has timeless life lessons.  Just don't get distracted by the corny clothes and obvious dialogue.   Another Corny Show you might love: Family Matters
Read - Are you there God, it's me Margaret... (( So it can remind you that you're not alone))  Somewheres around 8th Grade also read The Outsiders, To Kill a Mockingbird, the Secret Garden & Where the Red Fern Grows. You wont get it till much later, but you need it now. Also, learn to spell. Reading will help you a lot with that. I'm sure I'll make you read the Hunger Games around this time too... you'll thank me for not making you read Twilight.
Listen to pop music and have fun with it.  But sneak in some Led Zeppelin and Pearl Jam and The Beastie Boys and Taylor Swift -and really start to listen to the words.  Start asking to go to concerts - see which ones we bite at.
By this time, you should have seen all the Star Wars Movies.  But the lesson here is 'who do you watch them with..?' those are your friends, that is your clique.
You're going to have lots of questions about your body.  Please come to me First. I'll do my best answer you're questions honestly and directly without prying into your life. Remember that at this age, you need me still.  the questions might be icky and I might answer you by handing you a book or with a trip to the store or a lesson in how to how to make those chocolate chip cookies we all love, but I'll answer you.
High School:
Watch Dawson's Creek. All of it.  By this time, I'm sure you will have gone through a bought of the puppy loves and crushing heartbreak. Some life altering situations and sparks of genius.  If it will help, take notes from this show- seriously write stuff down. a little journal will help you work thru some stuff in your real life.  Although Dawson is a weird little dude with weird little friends, you should stick with it!  they grow up along side you and it will help you say the right things to people.  It'll help you make the right decisions about people - and yourself. Show you what the wrong decision results in, because consequences are real. But, most of all, it'll help you remember that the only person in your life who Really Really matters (besides your old mom)   Is you.  you're amazing.  
Other TV That will Blow your Mind about High school : Freaks and Geeks. My So Called Life, and the Carrie Diaries.
Listen to pop music But Also listen to  The Beatles. The Doors.  Etta James.  Lady GaGa. the Cure. Mumford and Sons. Jimmy Buffett and Justin Timberlake. Yes, thats alot. but it'll teach you some new words and new ways of putting those words together.  and new reasons to get in trouble.  Go ahead, gettin rowdy is part of gettin older.
Read: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Three Willows, The internet girls series by Lauren Myracle.  If you're anything like me - read Thirteen Reasons Why. and you'll know why.   Its a good time for your to start reading new authors - Poetry - and squaring yourself with learning as you read.  So that if you have a question about sex or drugs or current events or foreign things that you cant muster up the courage to ask ( or if you run into the same situation in a tv show or movie )  you can read about it and save yourself the embarrassment. (whew) Oh, remember how I said you wouldn't get books like 'the outsiders' in middle school.  Those lessons should be paying off right about now.
You're going to start having those questions about sex and boyfriends and make-up and money that I am not going to have the answers to.  now is the time where it'll be Ok if you ask someone else. Hopefully it's ok to ask me too.  The answer may be shopping or baking - but it's alright to start the convo. The Point Being - do  not be fooled into thinking what everyone else thinks if you need to know the answer to something, ask. even it it's not me.
Mostly, these books and shows are going to teach you that High school is Torture if you let it be.  It is a recurring nightmare of embarrassing situations and uncomfortable moments - you want to find some common ground with those closest to you without pushing other people away.  Don't be afraid to try new things but also, dont be ashamed to want to Not do Something too.
You should want to watch some R rated movies - ask me about horror and scary movies and make out movies and some good classics. like Ferris Bulers Day Off.  ((Again, who are you watching these movies with?? those are your friends.))
College:
Holy Shit, don't go to college, you're still a small baby in my mind.  Which is another lesson -  Mom is going to take care of you as along as she can.  She's silly and embarrassing and loving and devoted and a huge pain in your ass and the only one you can count on.  She's going to let you fly as far as you want to fly - And Fucking Study while you're there.. Geez.  The F Word? Yes, as long as you can use profanity in a proper setting, no one is going to scold you for it.  By this time, you've gotten a handle on the S word and the F Word. A lady only brings it out when needed, but Screw up once, and it'll haunt you forever.  They are only words. But, you may have learned by now that some words can cut you.  Just be careful, Ok?
Watch Sex and the City. not the movie, the TV show.  Carrie Bradshaw is an Archetype and and Archangel. She will teach you about strength, weakness, sex, money, power, struggle, success and failure, fashion, individuality  best friendship and Yourself. Learn about yourself.  She will make all of the same mistakes you've made and you can learn how to deal with things that way.  She will teach you about Excess and Restraint - a lesson that you need to learn as you're building your life and learning what is really important.  ((Excess is like wearing a scarf - you can't pull one end without the other getting shorter. And sometimes it'll make you look stupid and sometimes it'll make you look smart.  ))
By this time you should have had at least one serious relationship - but don't tie yourself to the idea of marriage just yet.   The first one is always the hardest fall, in and out. The second time is more for you and the third time, might be the charm.  If its not, carry on.  For this I prescribe Adele... 19, then 21.  She hit the nail on the head with break up and make up songs.
Also:  The indigo girls.  Neil Young.  Beyonce... sasha fierce then 4. David Gray. Dave Matthews Band. Jay-Z. You'll find your own way - you already have great taste in music..
Read: Cosmo. Not because you need to improve yourself, but, because the people around unfortunately have a say in your life at this point.  You'll learn things about make-up and hairstyles that will keep you current.  It'll motivate you to keep yourself sharp.  It'll also remind you about what is real and what is superfluous noise. And, How to form your own opinion about things.  They will,from time to time, sneak in a good strong female role model.  Hook onto those.  you might have a daughter some day and find yourself suggesting things of your own.
Speaking of:  Some good Strong Women:  Steel Magnolias, Little Women, The divine secrets of the ya ya sisterhood, Weird Science, Dream Girls, Gone with the Wind,Marilyn Monroe,  JK Rowling, Tina Turner, Kill Bill, Julia Child,  Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Foxy Brown, Julia Sugarbaker, Angelina Jolie, Dorothy Parker, Lady Sings the Blues, Joanie Mitchell, Allison Kraus, Carole King, Janice Joplin, Maya Angelou, Hillary Clinton, Sarah Connor, Charlies Angels, Mary Tyler Moore, Wonder Woman, Audrey Hepburn, Jennifer Anniston, June Cash, Joan of Arc, Michelle Obama, Paula Dean, Me and You.
( Don't know who some of those girls are?? it's time you did)   Just Be Proud of What you Do!
After College, you're going to need some good friends who are going to tell you the truth about everything.  I recommend ' how i met your mother'  if you watch from the beginning- you'll get it. hopefully we can talk about anything by then.


You're gonna do something stupid. You're going to lie to us, sneak out, fail a class, get drunk at a party we had no idea you were attending, shoplift, eat meat on Fridays- It's Alright.  Life is going to happen all around you.  Some days you're Joey, some days you're Carrie, some days you're Katness. But there will always be people around you to help you with life. Those people might not always be real people.  It's Alright- All of those people helped me too...And if you know who to go to it's easier to get through whats bothering you.  I'm always going to be here for you.  Even when I can't be there for you. For now, I'm going to let you sleep and trust my gut to teach you right from wrong, happy from sad, and shampoo from conditioner..how to tie your shoes, how to read and how to love.. I love you, and baby, that's what it's all about.

xoxo, Mom