Dear Blog-Diary,
After a long absence, I have returned to fill the people in on the goings on of a 30 year old girl trapped in south Florida. It's the holiday season, as I'm sure you are Well Aware. I hope everyone enjoys being broke this Christmas. I can't think of another time when times have been sooo Crappy. I don't have any money- but I'm confidant I'm not alone this time. I'm fat (or getting there) and no friends in Miramar. So I'm wildly unmotivated to do anything
. It's a struggle to get things done and stay positive. My goals get mired in what seems to be normal life- so from time to time I have to pull them out of the muck and rinse them off so i remember what I'm fighting for. A normal life - but The Usual life gets in the way sometimes. So I've been accused in the past (the recent past) of not keeping up with the people in my life. I'm guilty of not posting to the blog for daily events. Lock me up! My life is kinda boring and I don't want to keep you all chained to my blitherings about answering the telephone all day and cooking dinner. I've got simple needs. Really. Those simple needs get met with a cozy home and hot meal while I watch Jeopardy with my boyfriend and our terrier - then bed promptly at 10. UNLESS there is something that needs to be done or said, I Spare you the details. *Rolls eyes* I'm a simple girl with simple needs.
. It's a struggle to get things done and stay positive. My goals get mired in what seems to be normal life- so from time to time I have to pull them out of the muck and rinse them off so i remember what I'm fighting for. A normal life - but The Usual life gets in the way sometimes. So I've been accused in the past (the recent past) of not keeping up with the people in my life. I'm guilty of not posting to the blog for daily events. Lock me up! My life is kinda boring and I don't want to keep you all chained to my blitherings about answering the telephone all day and cooking dinner. I've got simple needs. Really. Those simple needs get met with a cozy home and hot meal while I watch Jeopardy with my boyfriend and our terrier - then bed promptly at 10. UNLESS there is something that needs to be done or said, I Spare you the details. *Rolls eyes* I'm a simple girl with simple needs. Or Am I?
Where does it say that being simple is an offense? What laws are being broken by being in a monogamous relationship, shopping for groceries or keeping a talentless job? I'm boring and I should be proud. I would like to think of myself a-Carrie Bradshaw-esque girl, when in fact, these days- I'm the anti-Carrie. I'm (what's the opposite of fabulous?) Plain. I have second hand clothes and I like it better that way. I don't chase men, drink all night, or brunch on Sundays with the girls, I don't live in an exciting city- opposite- I'm rather suburban with my gated townhouse and local dry cleaner, Starbucks, target & Publix that carries the hair stuff Jason uses when I don't want to travel to target
. I've got a half hour commute to work, I listen to NPR, I don't have to pay a toll, my coffee mug fits in my cup holder. On the weekends, there is Football, dog park, laundry and Sunday Pasta. Life is pretty easy.
. I've got a half hour commute to work, I listen to NPR, I don't have to pay a toll, my coffee mug fits in my cup holder. On the weekends, there is Football, dog park, laundry and Sunday Pasta. Life is pretty easy.Tho...
I can't help but wonder if there is more out there for me... I get dreamy. Like a child. Wondering if I'm secretly supposed to be famous, or wealthy. Hoping that some day things will work themselves into a perfect circle that I can frost with butter cream. I wonder if there is a perfect home for me and a great job out there for me- and enough time in the day to bake cookies and make pot roast, shop for gifts and send birthday cards and letters. I don't know how to make that happen. Work Harder. but if I have to get another job and I'm all out of time in the day. the perfect little house I've made for myself goes poof. Jason would hate it, so I don't think about it- so we get in the rears about bills and shit- Come on- if he would just give up some of the things he 'needs' like satellite & blockbuster & get him to take me off the cell phone and quit the gym because he never goes, and don't shop a whole foods for dinner - buy a cheaper car move into a smaller place and stop drinking scotch... but I can't blame him. Jason is starting to get it all together, Really. He's starting to make a real man of himself. He's gotten to where he thinks he wants to be, excited about getting married and starting a family, saving money- the whole white picket fence- and I can't help but think I'm holding him back. He could follow his dreams and goals wherever if he didn't have me to drag around. he makes enough money to support himself and keep that easy life he likes so much. Then i could go back home and live with Monica. Remain my kind of fabulous forever. Perhaps that is what is in store for me. Being really simple. Or if I simply wait out this dreamy feeling- will it all work out? I don't even know where to begin. "hey baby- here's the thing- we can get rid of all of the things you work so hard for and I can stay home - or i can work two jobs to pay the bills and save money and never see ya.. you're choice." or do I just start working and hope we can get along being room mates. We'll never get married, we'll never start a family- I'll never get to go home to see my family. I'll get scolded for never keeping up with people. I'll never get to bake cookies- which hell is right for me? Matt said it best, Money isnt everything but its sure important for everything. I have to hate it that it's crappy because of money. I have to believe that God will give me what I need because- that is his way. I have to stay positive and belive- like a child - I'm where I need to be. Doing what I'm supposed to do. It IS just money- and it will come. But it IS my time - that I will never get back. Like this Christmas - I want to spend it with my family at my house in my city- to which i ain't got any ... so I'm going with Jason. Who- by all rights should be getting a huge christmas present from me - but i can't afford one. So, again infront of his family- i'm going to look like a big fat jerky redneck. I'll go home to my cozy townhouse with all the trimmings and still feel a failure.
So- what is a girl to do? Hey, I'm simple. I want it all... whats wrong with that?
