Full Metal Jacket. *bling*
It was the night of the Olympic Basketball - Gold Medal game. So you know I'd been awake for almost two weeks of late night Shananagens and Olympic Good stuff with all the Michael Phelps and Boys Gymanstics and all... when the boyfriend decides it would be a great idea to snoogle up in bed and tuck into some "Full Metal Jacket." Yes. 'what is your major malfunction? yo
u climb obstacles like old people fuck..aint war hell? Me so Horny - me love you long time, my corps, your corps, we all love, marine coprs' full metal jacket. I didn't think I could have gotten more disturbed about death- but there is a new low. I know, I was in it. I thought the worst thing I could have watched after mom died was "Steel Magnoilas." God help me, I knew better than to watch that. I did get 40 seconds into Shelby telling her mom she was pregnant that I lost my mind. Literally lost whatever hold I had on my oh so fragile state of wellness. I can't watch alot of stuff for this reason. I've been doing alot of video game/youtube to escape. And -Sports, Olympics- Praise the Maker- distraction. So you know how great I was. Was, until Private Pile and 2:30Am. I twisted desperatly into this ball of raw nerve and tender rage. I get scared. who the heck doesnt get scared about it. Now, I'm scared and angry, Rethinking the moments before 'it' happened. I say that now. "IT" the Moment, The Big Chill.
I can't even talk about it. So I watched the movie. I boiled and scratched, ground my teeth and lay in my own sweat. (Of course Jason fell asleep. Jerk) And I thought about alot of stuff. I think I made it over a mental hurdle- I felt like clogged river, finally punched a tiny bit thru some mud wall and the stream washed away the rest. I can't help but to remember standing in front of everyone, talking about how mom wanted us to live and dream and love. This quote is always on the tip of my nose. "what lay behind and what lay ahead do not compare to what lay i
nside." What is inside of me? I stayed up all night, watching basketball. We won if you didnt hear. It was a not a game, it was an instant classic- it was hard for them.. it was hard for us to watch, it was a lesson in perservere. I stayed up all night. Do you even remember the last time you stayed up until the sun rose- pushed thru the sleep into the next day. I carried on Sunday with a renewed sense of self. God Truly blessed me with a strong mind. It's time I put that strong thing to use. Mind or body or spirit or home or life or just Myspace..There is a river breaking through- I don't know where I'm going. But I can Paddle, and I can swim. I'm ok with daydreaming about what is coming next for me. I'm dreaming about Michael Phelps and the what-if's. -what if the only way he can do it is by being superhuman- then he starts becoming superhuman. Willing himself into what he wants and needs to be.. Why can't we all? So, I had a truly superhuman day today. True. Super. Gold Medal. Gold Star. Full of pride. Full of hope. Full Metal Jacket.
It was the night of the Olympic Basketball - Gold Medal game. So you know I'd been awake for almost two weeks of late night Shananagens and Olympic Good stuff with all the Michael Phelps and Boys Gymanstics and all... when the boyfriend decides it would be a great idea to snoogle up in bed and tuck into some "Full Metal Jacket." Yes. 'what is your major malfunction? yo
u climb obstacles like old people fuck..aint war hell? Me so Horny - me love you long time, my corps, your corps, we all love, marine coprs' full metal jacket. I didn't think I could have gotten more disturbed about death- but there is a new low. I know, I was in it. I thought the worst thing I could have watched after mom died was "Steel Magnoilas." God help me, I knew better than to watch that. I did get 40 seconds into Shelby telling her mom she was pregnant that I lost my mind. Literally lost whatever hold I had on my oh so fragile state of wellness. I can't watch alot of stuff for this reason. I've been doing alot of video game/youtube to escape. And -Sports, Olympics- Praise the Maker- distraction. So you know how great I was. Was, until Private Pile and 2:30Am. I twisted desperatly into this ball of raw nerve and tender rage. I get scared. who the heck doesnt get scared about it. Now, I'm scared and angry, Rethinking the moments before 'it' happened. I say that now. "IT" the Moment, The Big Chill.I can't even talk about it. So I watched the movie. I boiled and scratched, ground my teeth and lay in my own sweat. (Of course Jason fell asleep. Jerk) And I thought about alot of stuff. I think I made it over a mental hurdle- I felt like clogged river, finally punched a tiny bit thru some mud wall and the stream washed away the rest. I can't help but to remember standing in front of everyone, talking about how mom wanted us to live and dream and love. This quote is always on the tip of my nose. "what lay behind and what lay ahead do not compare to what lay i
nside." What is inside of me? I stayed up all night, watching basketball. We won if you didnt hear. It was a not a game, it was an instant classic- it was hard for them.. it was hard for us to watch, it was a lesson in perservere. I stayed up all night. Do you even remember the last time you stayed up until the sun rose- pushed thru the sleep into the next day. I carried on Sunday with a renewed sense of self. God Truly blessed me with a strong mind. It's time I put that strong thing to use. Mind or body or spirit or home or life or just Myspace..There is a river breaking through- I don't know where I'm going. But I can Paddle, and I can swim. I'm ok with daydreaming about what is coming next for me. I'm dreaming about Michael Phelps and the what-if's. -what if the only way he can do it is by being superhuman- then he starts becoming superhuman. Willing himself into what he wants and needs to be.. Why can't we all? So, I had a truly superhuman day today. True. Super. Gold Medal. Gold Star. Full of pride. Full of hope. Full Metal Jacket. 